To my closest friends, I can sometimes be a bit of an open book. I’m not afraid of hiding my weirdness and make a fool out of myself. But unfortunately I do find it quite hard opening up to new people. I’m a pretty shy person, unless I’ve drunk a lot of alcohol in which case I talk to almost anyone!
Today I thought I’d share five things about me that not many people know.
- I suffer from anxiety
I hate it. Unfortunately I’ve always suffered from a bit of anxiety, but it gets worse from time to time. I always worry about things I shouldn’t be worrying about and I can sometimes get panic attacks. Luckily I don’t get them often any more, but when I do they are bad. Bad to the point where I cannot breath and cannot think clearly at all.I can’t speak in front of groups without choking and almost crying. The weird part is that I used to be able to, so this one has come later in life. I get really anxious when I’m alone, so always prefer to have company, unless it’s just for a day or so. I was prescribed anxiety pills back in 2008. They were the best. I miss them, haha. I didn’t take them often, only when I felt I really needed them. For example, every time I left my family to go back to New Zealand, I could not stop crying. However, once I took one of those pills, everything almost instantly felt easier. Still hard of course, but bearable.
- I used to be really underweight
Before anyone suggests it, I’ve never had anorexia, but I used to be incredibly skinny. So skinny that I often had people asking me if I did suffer from anorexia, or if my family couldn’t afford food. I was teased a lot in school and was called a stick or a skeleton. To be honest, those words didn’t hurt me, but the anorexia comments really did. Not only that, they came from adults. When I look at some pictures of me as a kid, I feel sick. That’s how skinny I was. My hip bones were sticking out and my thighs were almost as thin as my calves. I promised myself back then that if I ever did gain weight I would never go on a diet. It wasn’t until later in life I realised that wasn’t realistic as sometimes you have to diet, not due to weight, but due to your inner wellness. Cholesterol is my enemy.
- I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol until my 18th birthday
Most of my friends started drinking quite early. But I never had the desire to. I was sort of curious about what it would be like, but not curious enough to actually try it. So I decided to wait until I was legally allowed to drink. My mum even asked me one time why I wasn’t out with my friends having fun, and I just had to reply with the fact that although I loved my friends, we were completely different in many ways. On my 18th birthday I decided it was time to try it out. I got drunk off 5-6 Smirnoff Ice’s. Not a good idea. I remember my mum came in to my room the morning after and told me I deserved the way I was feeling, haha. And yup, I guess I did.
- I didn’t really know how to cook or bake until I was 20
Slightly embarrassing but because I lived at home till I was 20, my mum cooked all the food for me pretty much. I was also incredibly lazy (still am, but not to the same extent), and couldn’t be bothered learning how to cook. So when I first moved to New Zealand and Jeremy told me that we had to take turns to cook for the whole flat, I was terrified. Luckily we later decided that everyone buy and cook their own food, so I had time to experiment with food without anyone suffering from my mistakes, except Jeremy of course! Today, I love cooking and trying new things. I also enjoy baking, and I have to say, I’m actually pretty good at it! My mum’s food is still the best though. I crave it all the time.
- I’ve never done drugs (except for prescribed ones)
This is probably one of those things that in a lot of places isn’t very impressive and more of a normal thing. But I have to say, after living in New Zealand for the last 6,5 years I feel like everyone I meet have done drugs or do them quite regularly. I am friends with people that do Ecstasy and acid, and almost every single person I know either smokes weed every now and again, or have done it at least once. And hey, I don’t judge. Everyone makes their own choices. But I am shocked at how common it is. It’s never been a thing that has interested me. The worst thing I know is having conversations with people who want me to try drugs. Those conversations normally go like this:
Person: You should try it at least once
Me: No thank you.
Person: Why not?
Me: Because I don’t want to.
Person: Yeah, but why not?
Me: I have enough fun after drinking a bit, I don’t need drugs.
Person: How do you know though?
Me: Because I’m having fun.
Person: Yeah, but you’d have more fun on it, believe me.
Me: No thank you. Please go away.
Sometimes it goes on for longer than that! As I said, I don’t judge anyone that choose to do it, but I do judge people who try to get others to do it.
There you have it. Those are five things that I don’t often share. Please follow my blog if you thought this post was an interesting read. 🙂